Nut Case Scenario
by Cold Recluse
Summary: Kuai Liang has a rather disturbing nightmare involving a certain hellspawn ninja. OOC-ness included. One shot. Photo credit goes to whoever created it, as I found it on Google.


Kuai Liang and Tomas Vrbada sat opposite each other, both eying a scorpion that crawled about the table between them. Kuai, better known as Sub-Zero (formerly Tundra), was rather amused at the aggressive arachnid, whose pointed tail was aimed at Tomas (codename Smoke). Smoke did not seem equally as entertained as his longtime friend, however, as he groaned in annoyance.

"What? He's not gonna kill you, Tomas," Sub-Zero said to his friend, a devious smirk on his rather attractive face.

Smoke rolled his gray eyes, returning his irritable glare to the scorpion on the table. The Thunder God, Raiden, had punished Scorpion for killing Sub-Zero's brother, Bi-Han.

What was Raiden's punishment for Hanzo Hasashi, you ask?

Simple. Raiden had transformed the undead Shirai Ryu into his namesake: a black scorpion with yellow markings* that would forever crawl in vain.

"Why can't we just kill that ugly piece of shit?" whined Smoke. The insult hurled at Scorpion made Kuai laugh heartily, as the Enenra warrior glared at the latter in sheer annoyance.

"Honestly, Tomas, I find it amusing to watch this little fucker crawl around. I bet little Hanzo wishes he could revert into his original undead form, but thanks to Raiden, it ain't happening," laughed Sub-Zero.

_Motherfucker,_ thought Scorpion. Even though Hanzo was, ironically, in the form of an _actual_ scorpion, he could still think as a human. Speak, he could not. Even worse, in Hanzo's mind, he couldn't sting Smoke or Sub-Zero, for Raiden forged his venom to be mutated.

Technically, Hanzo was a non-venomous arachnid, and he wasn't liking it one bit.

"Don't get your hopes up, Kuai Liang. You _do _realize that Scorpion is allied with Noob," said Jade, who happened to be walking into the mess hall with Kitana in tow. She sat beside Smoke, while the fan-wielder sat on the other side with Sub-Zero.

Jade had been in a relationship with Smoke for quite a while, but no one other than the Earthrealm Defenders knew about it. As for Sub-Zero and Kitana, it was a war between he and Liu Kang. Both the Ice Ninja and Shaolin monk were head over heels for the Edenian Princess, but Kitana didn't give either man the time of day.

So, pretty much, Subby and Liu were forever alone. Boo-hoo.

"Jade is right," concurred Kitana, "There is no telling if Quan Chi, Shinnok, or even Shang Tsung haven't devised a plan to capture this hideous creature."

Kitana glared at Sub-Zero, but Kuai wasn't paying attention. His mind was focused at the very creature before him and his allies.

"Kuai Liang, are you listening?" Tomas chided, kicking the Grandmaster from under the table. Sub-Zero snapped out of his trance, and glanced at the silver-haired man. Smoke was pissed.

"What?" he asked, a sheepish smirk on his face. Smoke cleared his throat, and shifted his eyes to Kitana, signaling to Sub-Zero that the princess had been trying to get his attention. Kuai Liang rolled his icy blue eyes, and turned his head to his left and faced Kitana.

"Yes, Princess?"

Kitana, already annoyed at the normally serious Cryomancer, raised a sheathed tessen and rapped Sub-Zero on the back of the head with it. Jade and Smoke both stifled their laughter, much to Kitana's amusement.

_That's what you get, dicksniff, _thought Scorpion, as he saw Sub-Zero rub the back of his head, groaning in pain.

"You're almost as annoying as Johnny Cage," Kitana muttered, placing her folded tessen on the table. Scorpion saw the weapon with his little arachnid eyes, and hoped that its owner wasn't planning on smashing the shit out of him with it. Instinctively, Hanzo crawled further away, an action which – _surprisingly - _caused the Enenra to engage in hysterical laughter.

"What the fuck are you laughing at, Smoke?" asked an aggravated Jade. It was not normal for a woman of high class to use such profanity, but she was annoyed at her boyfriend's sudden obnoxiousness.

"You didn't see that? Scorpion got scared when Kitana put her fan on the table right next to him, and literally skedaddled away from it!" said Sub-Zero.

_Great, these mortals think I'm a pussy. I'll show them who the pussy is_, thought Hanzo.

He crawled towards the oblivious Cryomancer, whom was still laughing his ass off, and glared at him. Scorpion looked around to make sure that the rest of Sub-Zero's allies weren't paying attention. Luckily for Scorpion, Jade was sitting on Smoke's lap, cuddled in his arms, as Kitana was on the other end of the mess hall, socializing with the other Earthrealm warriors who sat at another table.

_I'm gonna show Frosty who's big shit around here. Better yet, I'm gonna scare the living shit out of him, _thought Hanzo as he made his way up Sub-Zero's arm. The Kori Warrior was too busy laughing to even realize that he had a creepy ass scorpion crawling on him.

_Just a liiiiittle higher, and I'll sting his stupid ass, _Scorpion vowed, already halfway up his enemy's arm. Once he reached his destination, he raised his stinger, and impaled the back of Sub-Zero's muscular neck.

"HOLY MOTHERCOCKSUCKING SHITFACED ASSNUGGETS!" yelped Sub-Zero, as he jumped out of his seat, flailing his arms in the air, "GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!"

Kuai Liang was freaking out, as Kitana averted her attention from Sonya, Jax, and Kung Lao, to the panicking Lin Kuei Grandmaster.

"Tha fuck wrong with this motherfucka?" asked Jax, as he exchanged amused glances with Kung and Sonya.

Jade and Smoke were laughing at Sub-Zero's humorous display, and Kitana facepalmed herself. Kung Lao got up from his seat, and headed over to the table occupied by the Enenra and his girlfriend.

"What in the Elder Gods' names is wrong with Sub-Zero?" he asked.

Smoke rolled his eyes, and said, "Remember when Raiden turned Scorpion into a namesake arachnid?"

Kung Lao nodded, aware of the punishment that the Thunder God had slammed onto the Shirai Ryu days earlier.

"Well, Subby here was making fun of him, so I'm guessing Scorp is making himself known by stinging him on the neck. Kuai'll be okay, though. Raiden rendered the bug's venom non-toxic."

The unexpected then occurred. While Sub-Zero was rolling around on the floor, trying to get the scorpion off of his neck, Hanzo's spectre essence was released from it.

Next thing that happened, was that Scorpion was back in his undead human form, towering over his mortal enemy.

Sub-Zero's blue eyes widened in shock, as all of the other Earthrealm warriors looked on in confusion.

"What the fuck? Hanzo? But Raiden turned you into a creepy scorpion!" whined Kuai, backing away from the infuriated hellspawn.

Smoke and Jade just looked on in horror, while Jax, Sonya and Kitana shook their heads in utter disgust. Kung Lao, on the other hand, just sat at the table, munching on an egg roll, as he watched the show airing before him.

"You have NO right to regard me by my real name, Lin Kuei!" Scorpion roared, unsheathing his Mugai Ryu. Kuai Liang started shaking in fear, as Smoke pinched his nose in annoyance at the whole spectacle.

"You will DIE! ALONG WITH YOUR FAGGOT BROTHER!"

Scorpion then charged at Sub-Zero, as the latter's allies and friends watched on, dreading the worst. Hanzo then proceeded to grab the pussied-out Cryomancer by his throat. Sub-Zero struggled to pry the spectre's grip with his hands, but by then, Scorpion had stabbed him...

Right in the nutsack.

Scorpion kicked the now prideless Lin Kuei away, and glared at everyone in the mess hall.

"Who else wants to suffer my wrath?" he growled.

Every Earthrealm defender stayed silent, shaking their heads in fear.

"Good. That should teach you goody goodies to keep your worthless thoughts to yourselves!" said Scorpion, as he engulfed himself in hellfire and teleported to an unknown destination.

* * *

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sub-Zero screamed, immediately sitting up in his bed. Frost (yes, his apprentice-turned-traitor) was right next to him, cuddled into the pillows, sleeping soundly. The Cryomancer frantically looked underneath the blanket, checking and making sure that his nether regions were still intact. Luckily, his balls and shaft were still in place.

_Thank the Elder Gods, _was all Kuai Liang could think, before nestling back into the bed beside his beloved, and letting sleep take him once again.


End file.
